A Couple’s Guide to Safe and Enjoyable Threesomes
Many men and women fantasise about engaging in a threesome with their partner and another person. However, few are actually willing to take the plunge due to fear that it will ruin their relationship. This isn't too surprising when you consider that the potential repercussions of three-way sex can be quite intense. From one partner being jealous to the danger of forming an emotional attachment with a new friend, the fallout from this popular fantasy has the capacity to overshadow the rewards. Having said this, there are many (thousands!) of couples who have engaged in threesomes that haven't resulted in a trip to the divorce courts. Communication is the key to ensuring that a menage a trois is enjoyable and satisfying for all involved.
Choose your Third Wisely
It's essential that you take time to choose the right person to join you and your partner in a threesome. If it's meant to be a one time experience, it's not a good idea to choose someone who you already know and are close to. Sex with a friend can change a friendship for good and a solid friendship may not be something that you're prepared to put on the line. Many couples visit swing parties and clubs in order to find someone who's keen to embrace a single event, rather form than a continuing friendship. Alternatively, you could post a personal ad. Meet for coffee, see if there's any chemistry and if you share similar desires, take it from there.
Negotiate the Ground Rules in Advance
Before you turn your twosome into a threesome, you and your partner will need to outline your boundaries. You'll need to discuss the full range of sexual acts that could be performed with your third person and decide which you're comfortable with and which are firmly off the table. You also need to be honest with your partner about your agenda. If your partner is a man and you're bisexual or bi-curious, you need to establish whether a threesome is largely about your desire to be intimate with a woman.
Similarly, talk to your partner about what he wants and expects from the experience. If you both discuss your vision for the perfect threesome (bear in mind that real life doesn't always play out as you imagine!), neither of you will be left surprised or shocked (at least not in a bad way!). It is when partners have staggeringly different ideas about how a threesome will play out that problems arise in relationships.
Use a Safeword
If one partner is feeling uncomfortable or unhappy during the experience, a safeword can be used in order to halt the action. Safewords can be anything (i.e. red or just 'safeword') and can be used by everyone involved in the act. They can be helpful way to ensure that relationships aren't soured. It's important to remember that a three-way is an intense sexual act that can bring about unforeseen and inconvenient emotional reactions.
Don't Fix a Troubled Relationship with a Threesome
If you and your partner have reason to distrust one another, a threesome could simply add fuel to the fire. Perhaps one of you has cheated in the past or risked your relationship over a flirtation? If the trust was abused and you're hoping to fix things by bringing another person into your marital bed, it's a good idea to let this particular fantasy pass by. Your relationship is fragile and will only be made more so by engaging in a threesome. Once the trust has returned to your relationship, then reconsider a m\u00e9nage a trois.
If you do decide to go ahead with a threesome, it's essential that you keep the communication lines open and are mature enough to accept your partner's limits and boundaries. As long as you do this, there's no reason why you can't both enjoy an exciting and exhilarating sexual experience that you'll both remember for a long time to come.